Dating 101
A male friend of IKDH posted this as his Facebook status today:
To all females: if a guy suggests coffee or a meal, FREAKING RESPOND TO THE MAN. whether you want to hang or heck no he ain’t gettin your time or you’re confused, give the man a yes, no or ask him a question! whatever your response, GIVE ONE. a straighforward “no” is much better than silence - not knowing is the worst. this friendly message brought to you by AlexEnragedForHisFriends.com.
My first response (in my mind) was “Did this guy ask for a date via email/text/FB? Because we’ve already covered how hard it is to communicate in the electronic age.” Dude, if you did, don’t do it again. Man up and ask in person—her face will tell you what you need to know.
My response (in type) was that though it’s unfortunate, immature, and shows a lack of respect, his friend can assume that silence=no. Down the line in the comment stream (and there were lots of comments) one person said that “[confident women] not saying anything to a guy means a “I won’t say yes right now but perhaps later, which usually means next time, step your game up.”
Gentlemen, I’m here to tell you as a confident woman that we don’t play those games. Smart, strong, independent women know how to say no. No does not mean yes. Or maybe. It don’t mean “slow your roll.” It means back up the truck and pull out of the driveway.
Now, I know that a bunch of you will pipe in with exceptions, and that’s all well and good. But they are just that—exceptions—and as a general rule, men should take a no as a no and move on. You don’t want to pursue someone who’s playing games, anyway!
As to the issue at hand in the original status post: Ladies and Gentlemen, if you are asked to coffee, dinner or any other one-on-one hang that’s intentional, do the other party a solid and just answer honestly. If you want to go, great. If not, be kind and firm in your response. IT’S JUST A DATE. It’s not the end of the world, it’s not a proposal and there’s no need to be awkward about it. Really.
Have you ever had to decline a date? Were you able to do so in a way that regarded the other person’s dignity and inherent worth? Share your experiences in the comments!
-KRISTEN
