July 2010
6 posts
A Legacy of Love
I spent this past weekend sweating for 36 hours in the 105-degree heat of Washington, D.C. As many of you know, I don’t sweat as a rule…better yet it’s an act of public policy. I feel about perspiration the way conservatives feel about America’s health care reform—I’m anti to the point of throwing a tea party. However, I willingly suffered the heat this weekend in honor of my first Graham family...
Best. Life Advice. Ever. →
Sometimes, life’s little dilemmas are just too much to handle. But what’s a person to do? Well, if you’re smart, you’ll ask singer-songwriter Rachel Zylstra. She’ll give advice on life, relationships, fashion and more, sometimes (almost all the time) in song form at Advice Music. Email your question to advice@rachelzylstra.com.
(Oh, yeah. You can email us, too. We...
Too middle-classy to date? →
Are pilates classes keeping women single and sexless?
Post-weekend brunch, one of my good friends declared she was no longer working out after reading a New York Times article that hinted at intense fitness being a barrier to women’s sex appeal. With 20-mile a week running schedules, regular Pilates classes and Jillian Michaels’ workout videos, women are increasingly hopping on the fitness...
1 tag
When Love Is a Schlep
Happy Friday, everyone! The women of IKDH have been a traveling band lately: California, Vermont, New Hampshire, upstate NY…and all the moving around (as well as a heads up from a reader on this article) got us thinking about the geography of dating.
Editorial aside: K: Sarah, you know what else got me thinking about this? S: That guy from the Lake Champlain ferry… K: He was more...
How About We →
How About We is the latest site to join the ranks of free dating services. We like this one just because it sounds fun. So often first dates default to the standard dinner and drinks when there are far more interesting options available. Why not take a trapeze class together? Your pride is the only thing at stake and let’s be honest, pride is sooo played out. ;)
If anyone decides to give it...
June 2010
15 posts
“Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire...”
– Ayn Rand
Long-Term Relationships Get Even Longer →
Invest in some chapstick and pucker those lips because according to USA Today, you may have to kiss dating hello a little longer than expected. In a recent article “Dating for a Decade,” Sharon Jayson writes about the increasing number of years couples are waiting to settle into marriage.
The primary reasons she cites as deterrents from early marriage are all the usual suspects:
...
why we leave the asking to the men
A few months ago, I chatted with a friend of mine about the logistics of women asking men out. Turns out, we hadn’t the slightest clue of where to begin. Correct me if I’m wrong but it seems to me that when a girl asks a guy out, it feels like a big deal simply because she’s flipping standard social norms. Further complicating things? Kristen and Chanel will happily testify that I’m terrible at...
“Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities.”
– C.S. Lewis
for my dad
I wrote this post last year for my Dad on Father’s day. I wrote then that I considered him to be a fairly incredible man. It still holds true. When it comes to relationships and love, what are some of the lessons you’ve learned from your Dad? We’d love to hear about it in the comments.
-SARAH
——-
Listening to a voicemail left by my Dad last night, I heard a...
Manversation: Mr. Boy Next Door
Age: 28 (brrr… did it just get old in here?) Current relationship status: “Accounted for”
What qualities catch your eye? I have a type: “cute.” As previous contributors to the “manversation” have already noted, I think that most us guys already have an idea in our heads of what our eventual bride will be like/look like. But not all of us are picturing someone with super model looks accompanied by...
5 tags
Waiting for Marriage
I’ve been thinking about sex a lot lately. Falling in love will do that to you. As the emotions intensify and lives become intertwined, the prospect of sex is suddenly everywhere. I taste it in the popcorn my honey buys in advance when I’m running late to the theater to meet him for a movie date. I see it when he stretches tall to grab the bowl from the top shelf of my kitchen cabinets. And as we...
Dating Advice From Dad
Because Father’s Day is coming up on Sunday, we thought we’d share what we’ve learned from our dads. Here’s what Kristen has to say:
The sum total of my dad’s advice about men and dating was this:
“Men only want one thing. You tell them to keep their d&#! in their pants, and move on.”
Thankfully, his actions in love are much more robust than his...
“Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything...”
– Erica Jong
refusing to fight
I recently admitted to a friend of mine that when it comes to ending a relationship, I have one basic “rule”: I refuse to fight. If a guy I’m dating mentions he thinks we ought to end things, that’s it. I won’t argue the point or attempt to convince him that we ought to work things out. Even if I’m happy in that relationship. Even if I’m of the general...
Your New Secret Weapon
I’m not saying that just because my name is “Cocoa Chanel” I’m some kind of style expert. But in the spirit of my namesake, I’m not afraid to toss around a bit of fashion advice. I’ve been salivating over these puppies since I got the email alert about their arrival last week. Ladies, I present to you your new summer ticket to getting a man: TOMS wedges.
I...
“Our life is full of brokenness - broken relationships, broken promises, broken...”
– Henri Nouwen
Flying Into God's Goodness
Tonight I’m on a plane to Los Angeles for an obligatory weekend wedding extravaganza. My two best friends from Biola University are getting hitched (one ties the knot this weekend and the other is celebrating her bridal shower in preparation for her upcoming nuptials.) These are the same girls who swore we’d grow old together, sharing dreams of sleeping in bunk beds in a creepy old...
Dating and Leadership
Recently, a female friend asked me if I thought being on staff at our church made it more difficult for men to see me as someone they can ask for a date. My response was something like “Ummmm…yeah…maybe.”
The truth is, I don’t know what men in our community are thinking about. Once, on the way home from the symphony, my ex was looking all dark and brooding in the...
May 2010
11 posts
“A good marriage is where both people feel like they’re getting the better...”
– Anne Lamott
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly...”
– C.S. Lewis
Let's Talk About Sex
A few weeks ago, I pointed your attention to an article on Relevant Magazine’s website. As is typically the case, the comments ended up being the most interesting part of the piece. One commenter brazenly stated that he thought sex was an essential part of determining compatibility. A bevy of responses followed. Some were kind, articulate and well thought out. Others were completely asinine...
“I will give you this, my love, and I will not bargain or barter any longer. I...”
– Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz
Actor Richard T. Jones: Marriage Is a Revelation...
At the recent press conference for Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married Too?, I had the pleasure of interviewing actor Richard T. Jones. He stars in the film as Mike, ex-husband to Sheila (played by Jill Scott.) And while I was technically “on assignment” for Urban Faith to get the scoop on the film, I couldn’t help but ask Jones (who is a Christian) a few questions about...
On Emotional Pornography
Our friend @kylewestaway recently tweeted a link to an article from Relevant magazine on The Dangers of Emotional Pornography. Of course, I clicked on it straightaway…admit it—if pornography is in the title, you’re a little intrigued too.
At any rate, the brief op-ed piece by Cole NeSmith can be summed up thusly: we (and by we, I apparently mean women) need to be as cautious about...
Hey Baby...
What is the appropriate response to creepy guys who hit on you? This morning on the way to work while minding my own business and eating a Nature Valley granola bar, I was propositioned by what can only be described as the last man on earth I’d ever date. He was old. He leaned in too close. He made disgusting comments about what he’d like to do to my sexy legs. It was all very awkward...
“Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.”
– C.S. Lewis
Manversation: Mr. Say Anything
Age: 25 Current relationship status: Single and Ready to Mingle (oh yes I did….I went there).
What qualities catch your eye? I like a woman that has a passion (other than Jesus). That’s not some veiled attempt to say I like career-driven women. But I appreciate when a woman has something that drives her (art, music, writing, etc).
I don’t find myself necessarily talented or...
“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to...”
– These words from the book of Romans struck me today as a good reminder of what it means to be in relationship to one another—as friends, Christians and lovers. If we are, as an earlier verse in the passage says, to be “not conform[ed] to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the...
Now That You’ve Said Hello…
Last Friday, I trekked over to The Frying Pan in the name of “research”. It was gorgeous out, so it would seem that I and every other NY’er had decided to spend the evening on a boat.
Exhibit A:
See all those specks? Those are people. We lasted a short 20 minutes before bailing.
The views on the west side are incredible and will serve to remind you of all the reasons you...
April 2010
23 posts
Now That You've Said Hello...
Folks, the cherry blossoms aren’t the only thing in bloom this time of year. It’s spring and that means love is budding all around us. Okay, maybe not around us specifically, but we know it’s budding somewhere in the world.
Ahem.
This particular date is nautically inspired. Get in the spirit of things by rocking a comfortable pair of boat shoes (or Rainbows), shorts and...
BOOK REVIEW - For Better
I’ve had For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage sitting in my room for the last few weeks. Every time I would consider throwing it in my bag, I’d think to myself “There are not enough donuts on this earth to make me feel like this is an acceptable start to my day.”
So, there it sat.
I was willing to grant that the basic premise of the book was interesting. After the...
Manversation
(click here to read Part I: Ryan Aynes, Manversation)
Part II: Ryan Aynes We couldn’t get enough of Ryan Aynes so we’re back with a few more pressing questions about dating from a man’s perspective. Check out what Ryan had to say about what men talk about when women aren’t around, the etiquette of “the ask,” and why he’s not signing up for eHarmony any time soon. IKDH: What do men talk about when...
Manversation
In the interest of leveling the playing field, we’re pleased to introduce a new feature affectionately entitled “Manversation”. Apart from the fact that it’s a super-funny title, we think it speaks to the heart of IKDH —fostering a conversation between the sexes about the trials and tribulations of Christian dating.
Fellas, want to anonymously contribute to the...
Surviving Newlywed Sex →
Relevant Magazine offers up some tips for how to save sex for marriage —without being overwhelmed after the “I Do’s.”
——-
On their wedding night, Talicia and her husband kicked up such a fuss, the modifier “loud” would be an understatement. Accidentally falling off the bed, hitting their heads against the wall and scooching this way and that to a chorus of “Oh...
2 tags
Infamous Last Words
Since Chanel’s talking about breakups over on Beliefnet, here’s a little pre-weekend query that comes via a NYC trending topic on Twitter: #breakupslastwords.
We often need divine grace to hold our tongues when we are hurt and angry, as James 3:6 clearly points out, we can “set fire to our lives” with what we say. And judging from the words flying around on Twitter,...
How to Support a Friend After a Breakup →
Have you ever wished there was a manual on supporting a friend through a breakup?
Well now you have one. Chanel has a new article up at Beliefnet with 8 tips to guide you through comforting a friend. And because you’re family, she saved a bonus tip for you here at IKDH. Check it out below and then head over to Beliefnet for more:
Hear the Fat Lady Sing. Hands down each one of my friends...
dating outside the faith
If your partner doesn’t share your faith, then he or she doesn’t understand it. And if Jesus is central to you, then that means that your partner doesn’t understand you. He/she doesn’t understand the mainspring of your life, the ground motive of all you do. Over and over you will make decisions that your partner can’t fathom. - Tim Keller
It’s worth noting...
they kissed marriage hello
On Saturday, we stood beside our friends and watched them commit their lives to loving, encouraging and serving one another. Congratulations, James and Adriane. We’re so, so excited for you. -The Ladies
Shown above: Sarah and Kristen, looking fancy.
“Christian marriage is giving you the practice of fidelity over a lifetime in...”
– Hauerwas
iDate Tip #1: Check Your Motives
Why are you interested in dating online and what do you hope to gain?
I know it sounds like a duh-question but before anyone considers hopping on the virtual nightclub train, I encourage/implore/demand that you ask yourself these two questions first.
In hindsight, I am absolutely positive that my online dating experience led to “successful results” because of my lack of expectations. Now...
Writer's Block
IKDH Family, please accept my sincere apology. It’s taken me months to figure out how to share my online dating experience with all of you, and there isn’t a day that goes by without someone asking me what the snap crackle pop happened after I joined eHarmony.
As most of you now know, my “exposé” took an interesting twist last fall, landing me not just a good story but also a...
1 tag
Now That You’ve Said Hello…
Are your nights solidly booked for the next month? Are you bereft that your love life will suffer in the face of your jam-packed social calendar? Never fear; today’s post walks you through the perfect date for a Saturday morning. You’re welcome.
Early AM Romance in Brooklyn - $32 Stop #1 - Tom’s Restaurant @ 782 Washington Avenue Nothing puts us in the mood for romance like...
dating do
A while ago, a guy I was seeing offered to pick me up for our first date. I demurred and suggested that for the sake of convenience, we meet somewhere in the middle. After all, we live in a city and very few people have cars. It wasn’t as though he’d be able to “pop by” my place on the way to wherever we were going. His reply basically informed me that I didn’t have...
The tyranny of dating choice →
We have more romantic options than ever — is it making us miserable?
dating don't
Say you’re hanging out on a Friday night with absolutely nothing to do, and a friend suggests a film. If that film’s name is Greenberg, you say no. I don’t care that its directed by Noah Baumbach or that its “honest” portrayals are guaranteed to make the angstiest of hearts feel understood. Politely decline the offer and suggest an alternate game-plan.
If somehow...
We’re frequently entertained by the keyword searches that lead people to our humble home on the internet. And since we’re loathe to leave any questions unresolved for our readers, below we’ve gone ahead and responded to a few of our favorites.
“Frog kissing on swing” From a technical standpoint we have no idea how you’d pull this off, but it does sound...